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And, for good measure, the main reason for ending this endless quest:

Ex-Leper: Okay, sir, my final offer: half a shekel for an old ex-leper?

Brian: Did you say “ex-leper”?

Ex-Leper: That’s right, sir, 16 years behind a veil and proud of it, sir.

Brian: Well, what happened?

Ex-Leper: Oh, cured, sir.

Brian: Cured?

Ex-Leper: Yes sir, bloody miracle, sir. Bless you!

Brian: Who cured you?

Ex-Leper: Jesus did, sir. I was hopping along, minding my own business, all of a sudden, up he comes, cures me! One minute I’m a leper with a trade, next minute my livelihood’s gone. Not so much as a by-your-leave! “You’re cured, mate.” Bloody do-gooder.

Brian: Well, why don’t you go and tell him you want to be a leper again?

Ex-Leper: Uh, I could do that sir, yeah. Yeah, I could do that I suppose. What I was thinking was I was going to ask him if he could make me a bit lame in one leg during the middle of the week. You know, something beggable, but not leprosy, which is a pain in the ass to be blunt and excuse my French, sir.

Romani Ite Domum – Protest and civil disobedience from Monty Python’s Life of Brian” Brian has just been caught by a Centurion painting an anti-Roman slogan and gets an impromptu Latin lesson for his troubles. Centurion: What is this then? Romanes eunt domus, “People called Romanes they go the house”? Brian: It..it says, “Romans, go home”! Centurion: No, it doesn’t! What’s Latin for “Roman”? [grabs Brian’s ear] Come on, come on! Brian: Romanus! Centurion: Goes like? Brian: Annus! Centurion: Vocative plural of annus is…? Brian: Anni? Centurion: [writes] Romani. And eunt? What is eunt? Brian: “Go”! Let- Centurion: Conjugate the verb “to go”. Brian: Ire; eo, is, it, imus, itis, eunt! Centurion: So eunt is…? Brian: Third person plural, present indicative. “They go!” Centurion: But “Romans, go home” is an order, so you must use the…? Brian: The… imperative! Centurion: Which is…? Brian: I! Centurion: [twisting Brian’s ear] How many Romans? Brian: [yelling] I.. Plural, plural! Ite, ite! Centurion: [writing] Ite. Domus? Nominative? But “go home”, it is motion towards, isn’t it, boy? Brian: Dative, sir! [The centurion promptly draws his swords and presses it against Brian’s throat. Brian yells:] No, not dative! Not the dative, sir! No! The… accusative, accusative! Domum, sir, ad domum! Centurion: Except that domus takes the…? Brian: The locative, sir! Centurion: Which is? Brian: Domum! Centurion: [writing] Domum… -um [sheathing his sword] Understand? Now, write it out a hundred times! Brian: Yes, sir, thank you, sir! Hail Caesar! Centurion: Hail Caesar. If it’s not done by sunrise, I’ll cut your balls off! Brian: Oh, thank you, sir. Thank you, sir. Hail Caesar and everything, sir!